the inner thoughts of a kongmunist n_n

Another long weekend has passed, and I have been ever more productive then evahhz. Not really.

First of all, Zhu Ni Sheng Ri Kuai Le for Rachel Tan: http://rachel-maykay.blogspot.com

Buddha fest was on the weekend and apart from helping out I was able to receive spiritual enlightenment. Well, actually, in my opinion Buddha Fest last year was better than Buddha Fest of this year. Primarily because SO many things were moved which upset the natural wheel of karma and rebirth (trying to work in buddhist terms here). Nevertheless, I learnt the importance of one work: amitofu.

Amitofu. It’s a flexible word that can literally be used any time, any where and for any situation. Every monk I walked past on Saturday and Sunday said “Amitofu” and I greeted them back with another “Amitofu”. This four syllable word is one that is universivally understandable, fills in pauses and as well as breaks the ice in awkward converstions. Here are some examples”

Person 1: “Hello Chris”
Chris: “Amitofu n__n”

Person 1: “Mom, Dad, I’m gay/a slut/the complete embodiment of a whore”
-parents jaw drops-
Person 1: “Amitofu”
-family then breaks out into some KFC happy time commercial-

Person 1: -farts in lift-
-Awkward silence-
Person 3: “Amitofu” n__n

See, it’s a really flexible word isn’t it?!?!

It’s funny though because you always have people going “Wow. Did you go to/are you going to Buddhafest on the weekend?”. It was like the million dollar question of the week. I bet you half the teens who went wern’t even buddhist but were looking for a way out of their hardass asian parents so they can meet their girlfriends/boyfriends and make out simultaneously while the fireworks spectaculor happened. Which, I don’t think was that spectacular. Come to think of it, that’s probably what the slut was doing. n__n

Lastly, in an attempt to increase search rankings of christopherkong.com on Google, I’m including a story that I made from Rachel’s (not Tan) display pictures taken from on Buddhafest (words that are bolded are the ones aimed at increasing rankings obviously). Before I start though, WHY IS “in class – what is feminism?” HIGHER RANKED ON TEH GOOGLE THEN MAI BLOGGY?. Anyway, story time:

Series of Misfortunate Events Asian Parents Worst Nightmare

Title changed to avoid copyright law suit by Warner Bros.

One day in the world of Buddhism and spiritual enlightenment. A young girl named Rachel decided to visit the festval celebrating the birth of ze Buddha. This was Rachel’s first time and she was quite unsure about venturing into the big bad world of religion (and subsequently her religionity (religious virginity)) and anywhere that was 1 kilometer from the epicenter of Sunnybank (Epicenter of Sunnybank = Market Square, place that NEVAH closes on any public holiday as I discovered today). However, with her young female friends she felt safe.

Rachel felt quite hungry and she with friend decided to venture into the world of Asian eateries.

faces are blurred for obvious bao hu-istic reasons

She didn’t know what she was about to get herself in to however; as before the drunkness, the innocent Rachel sits with a friend at said asian eatery to consume edible foods. However, her friend was wearing red which symbolized passion, fire and devlish thoughts of getting Rachel drunk and committing a series of Asian Parent Nightmares. (HENCE SHE WAS WEARING RED PEOPLEZ). Soon later, Rachel falls under a drunken spell and unaware that she is all boozed up, now decides to move out with another friend who would begin the initiation.

she yearned to be set free, rash-free that is

As she ventured out into the world known as Southbank she found a conventiently situated hard pole. Rachels inner spirits had escaped and the academic student wanted to show what her true ambitions were. She grapsed the pole with one hand and then the other sliding up and down. This was the job she wanted. The inner pole dancer within her, the inner pole dancer that was yearning to be released, the inner pole dancer that was entraped within was now the one that she proudly showed off. She was admired by her crowd of two Xiao Hai Zi’s. These Xiao Hai Zi’s said “Ma Ma, when I grow up, I want to be just like her. YI YANGGGG~~~~~ LIKE RAINIE YANG“. Although, this could have also been an indication that she had a rash that she was trying to scratch against the pole. Either way, Rachel was now out of control and was a Asian girl gone wild.

The next day had now come and Rachel on a uncontrolled spree found a bench to share with her friend:

there was a price to pay for using the bench, but she didn't mind n_n

As she sat there with her friend, she realized something. She was a lesbian. Longing to find acceptance, she tells her feelings to a close friend. This friend understands so much that they now share in a long embrace with each other. The sun rises slowly from its slumber and all sadness that was cloaked over her in the previous night (and years when she was in the closet) were now gone. However, her parents soon walk past satisfied of their performance after the “Annual Fei Yu Chin square dancing competition” and were stunned to see what had become of their Nu Hai Zi. The oh so very strong radiance that their happiness had given them was now stolen by a cloud of melancholy. What were they going to do now? Their young daughter had become something they never expected. By not to worry, she was still underage and this was illegal. All was not lost… They needed to do something, but what?

Zomg, I’m going to add more keywords later and tags for Google.

BY THE WAY, this is all another lame joke. Rachel and I are friends, I do not hate anyone mentioned in this short story, it’s just something creative I thought of doing to increase blog views over MSN Saturday night. Obviously this will be taken down if the parties involved want it to be. Also, it was nice studying with Rachel today at SLQ despite how self-conscious she happens to be LOL. And I did NOT death stare anyone hu hu hu hu. D:

INCREASE IN 40 YEAR OLD DEMOGRAPHIC PEDO WITH NO CHILDREN WHO SIT AT THEIR COMPUTERS ALONE AT NIGHT HERE I COME. n__n

(also, I’m helping you here Police, you can thank me laterz)

In closing, Amitofu ^___^.